Lyrics
If I were a magician
I’ll tell you what I’d do.
I’d conjure up your future
And show it all to you.
My magic’s all illusion:
Water bottle, plastic flower.
All the things that you will make
Will unfold in their own hour.
All I know is you should know
I’m out here looking out for you.
Everything you’ve ever wanted
Soon will come your way.
No one does it solo only.
Everyone gets sad and lonely.
Don’t forget that out here someone
Loves you every day.
If I were a time traveler
I know just when I’d go.
Back to the place I first met you.
I’d tell you all I know.
But when I built my time machine
It turned out to be fake
And left me with a craving
For your famous pirate cake.
If we could both be pirates
My eye patch would be cool
We’d go right through the book and challenge
Each and every rule
But I’m no jolly roger
Never sailed the seven seas
I never went to Narnia
Nor met the Pevensies
If I were a mixer,
You know that I would be
A stand mixer, fully charged
With electricity.
’Cause you deserve a mixer
That’s magical and fine,
Sent to you in a time machine
From 1959.
© 2021 At Swim-Two-Birds Music. (BMI)
Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Credits
Songwriter
Words and music by Christian Crumlish (BMI).
Personnel
- Christian Crumlish – electric ukulele, vocals
- Lorna Kollmeyer – vocals
- David Gans – guitars
- Robert Wade – bass
- Javier Navarrette – congas, shakers
Recording dates
| Date | Session details |
|---|---|
| August 11, 2023 | Basic tracks: Crumlish on electric ukulele and scratch vocals, Gans on electric guitar, Wade on bass. Rough mix. |
| April 19, 2024 | Navarrette on congas and shakers. |
| May 10, 2024 | Gans added guitar solo. |
| June 7, 2024 | Replaced lead vocal. |
| June 21,2024 | Added intro on ukulele, abandoned attempt to add improvised uke fills. |
| July 26, 2024 | Overdubbed uke fills. |
| August 11, 2024 | Removed initial uke rhythm track. |
| October 9, 2024 | Kollmeyer added backing vocals. |
| February 17, 2025 | Ukulele reamped with Magnatone and ribbon mic. |
Song Notes
In the midst of the songwriting jag that ultimately produced this album I asked my nephew and godson Finn what he wanted for Christmas and he said “Write me a song.” So then I asked him, improv style, to suggest two or three words or concepts to prompt me and he wrote back: “Magician, time travel, stand mixer.”
By the time the song became “All I Know” and was done in the studio, producer Dave convinced me that this one is not only the heart of the record (and the source of the album title), but also ought to be the first track. You tell me if he was right.
